Weighty Issues...

I have been thinking a lot about my weight lately. Seems like this week I've been out of control a little--especially today. I don't know if it's because Greg is working, Emma is sick and not sleeping, or because it is raining. I don't even know where to start blogging at regarding food. It's not just the food today I've thought about it's the number that the scale shows and how it has effected my entire life.

I go back to 8th grade. I remember having to get a physical to play a sport, I'm guessing volleyball but not 100% positive. I remember I weighed 164 pounds and was so embarrassed I changed the 6 to a 4 so that the coach wouldn't know I weighed that much. Then on to the summer before 9th grade. The band director made us get on the scale, which was THE most embarrassing thing for others to see how fat I was. You see I knew I was fat but the number didn't both me until I had to share it with others. I remember I was 180 something and wanted to crawl under his desk. I was fat, plain and simple, obese. I remember when I started my new school in 7th grade and my mom bought hand me down uniform shorts for me so that she wouldn't have to buy me new ones. She bought shorts from someone who had graduated the previous year. Here I was in 7th grade wearing someone who was out of school's clothes. I remember too going to my nanny's house and her telling me "You're so pretty but you're just so chunky, if you'd lose some weight you'd be so pretty." I don't know what's caused all of this to be dug up but it bothers me. I pray Emma doesn't have weight issues like I had. I do have to commend my parents for never making me feel fat or not normal.

I proceed to April 1998, when i went visit Jen in MI for a week. I remember going shopping after classes at KMart to look for jeans. I had to buy a size 22, which was higher than my age. That bothered me. I weighed 254 pounds at that moment. When I returned from MI I lost weight and got down to 180 again, but I took pills and it all came back with the exception of the 20 I lost the right way.

Again, I have no idea when the weight came back on, but I them remember shopping for my wedding dress. The day I bought my dress I weighed 208 and that is my goal. That's about 20 pounds from where I was Friday and I think I can do it but I need to get myself started again. I'm going to journal today, even though I'm not 100% sure everything that I ate will be recalled, but I'll do my best. Hey, we all screw up but it's not a life or death situation. There is always tomorrow, which will be a better day!

Breakfast
bread
dijonnaise
2 pieces chopped ham

Snack at mom's
poppycock - she sure needs to get rid of that!

Lunch
pringles

bag of raisinettes

1/2 bag of mint M&M crisps

2 popsicles with Emma

4 pieces of pizza with mushrooms and olives

1 coke

2 bottles of water